Face it, this is going to happen to you.
Your heart is gonna be broken into หนึ่งพันล้าน (a thousand million) tiny pieces, then dumped on the sidewalk of a sketchy soi deep within even sketchier soi behind Nana Plaza.
And here are 8 reasons why.
Going to Pattaya
By far, the biggest mistake any foreigner can make is spend more than a week or two in Pattaya. "But Eric", you moan... "I know a lot of guys who have been living there for a long time!". Yeah, no. You see them living, but do you know what's going on in their personal life? It's Pattaya. Sure, living on the outskirts of the city is doable, but basically it's one huge red light district. Be like Thai people -- go spend a weekend there, knock your socks off, then turn tail and go home. Or trust me -- you are going to get eaten alive by the apex predators.
Long distance relationships
Do I need to get into this? Because you should know better already. Ok let me get into it. You met a really nice girl in Pattaya (ok, ok, on Tinder) and you've struck up an amazing friendship online. Amazing. Happy for you. Really.
Just know, that sure, there are some few women that will be faithful to you here and there, but for the most part, in the modern world, in any freaking country -- everyone (even innocent you) is gonna be talking to other people. And after all the "I love you" conversations on LINE every night, what do you think is going to eventually happen?
Fact is, if we are not around, our love interest is gonna get distracted. This is not 1980.
Being a brokey
Yes. I know. If you're a fucc boi, even if you're broke, you're gonna get that real good หี (look it up, don't be lazy).
But how many men who are already divorced and heading into retirement are exciting? Be honest, stare in the mirror and call it what it is. Chances you are not. More than likely you've put your head down, worked all your life, paid your taxes and alimony and been a good little boy.
You're Bob in Accounting.
Thailand is very family oriented, in that -- you need to financially support her family. And no matter how good your กระเจี๊ยว (again look it up lazybones) is, at some point, you're gonna be thrown under the bus for someone who "got their money up".
Showing off your money
Now hey, I just said to not be a brokey. So what gives?
Don't show off your money in Thailand. In some cases in might be helpful, but in relationships it usually is not. You will end up being a target for apex predators. Instead show that you have money without showing that you have money. Normally just do things ordinarily, but every now and again, treat yourself and your companion to a nice experience. Remember, your partner has to earn your resources, so be stingy with it.
Being a simp
A simp is that guy who’ll sell his kidney to buy her a designer handbag, even though she’s already ghosted him three times. He’s the human version of a golden retriever—loyal, eager to please, and willing to fetch her emotional baggage without question. He’ll write paragraphs in her DMs while she replies with “k,” and he’ll still think he’s winning. His motto? “If I simp hard enough, maybe she’ll notice me!” Spoiler: she won’t. But hey, at least he’s got a shrine of her Instagram selfies to keep him company. Moral of the story? Don’t be a simp—love yourself more than her vague “good morning” texts. (I was lazy, I just copied this one directly from DeepSeek -- and DeepSeek is right).
Letting her take the lead
You're a man, right? This is Thailand, right? You're not back in your western country where you're a beaten down man. In Thailand people like it when men take the lead. Every day I see foreign men walking behind their Thai female partner. What's even worse is when you don't lead the conversation and you just start with "Hi" on the dating sites. Instant turn off for a feminine Thai lady. Not being able to find something to do in Pattaya will cause her to dry up like ice cream on a Bangkok sidewalk just before Songkran.
Only having expat friends
I will keep this one short. Of all the friends you make in Thailand. Less than 20% of them should be fellow expats.
You will just not succeed in Thailand. Period. Very few expats will take you deep into the culture.
You're out of her league
We've all seen the photos of older western men with younger Asian woman. And yes, its true that age gaps are slightly more accepted in this side of the world, than in the western world. But realistically, most women want to marry someone closer to their age and looks. Chances are, if you get with someone out of your league, the relationship will not last long, and you might have to end up extending it with your money.
Thailand is not magic
Everybody thinks that Thailand is a magic place.
It's not.
Just like every other country it has its problems with money, food, obesity, health, and so much more.
And to top it off, the culture is quite different from yours. You need to adjust your style of living to the Thai way if you want to end up having a good time here. There is a statistic that more then 50% of expats end up leaving Thailand, and thats because they made many of the mistakes above.
Don't be a cheapskate. Pay us the $149 USD for a consultation and avoid making most of them.
You will also become a member of Thai Kru, which means "Thai Guru". And you get our support for the next 12 months via email or text messages.
We will explain how you can move here, where to live, what kind of visas are best and how to navigate Thai culture.
It's a great deal.
Best regards
Ericson Smith
The Thai Kru Team.
P.S. if you want more long form emails like this, let me know too!